Not only can they fly, squeeze under fridges, withstand a wide range of squash/flush and crush attempts (once I squashed one only to have then rip its “spine” out of its squashed body and keep on walking: just head, legs and trailing entrails as if nothing were the matter: better even because it was now a light weight version) but the bloody things don’t even need to piss!

The only known cute cockroach

That means there’s no “breaking the seal” problem on cockroach drinking nights thanks to this amazing little bacteria they picked up 140 million years ago. No conflicts between male cockroaches and feminazi cockroaches over the toilet seat issue.

Fantastic logic on this one "nearly fell in" etc

The cast iron bladdered creatures can stay up all night drinking in the post apocalyptic world without having to head off to the little cockroach’s room if they so choose. As an added bonus they’ve completely removed the whole awkward standing next to strangers at pub urinals issue (play the urinal etiquette game here if you don’t know what I’m talking about)!

Then after a hard night of drinking and recycling urine they can stumble home in the dark using the Earth’s magnetic fields to find their way. Amazing little revolting things.